Saturday, October 31, 2009

Letter of Recommendation.... Part II

I have been receiving a lot of emails about how and/or who to ask for a letter of recommendation, so I decided to post a blog about "Letter of Reccomendation Part II"

As I stated before, this letter should be from a financial member of the organization that knows you well enough to speak about your personality, character, and can express their opinions on how you will be a great asset to the organization. I would advise that you NEVER ask someone you barely know, to write you a letter of recommendation. Not only will that person NOT write you one, but you may get your feelings hurt by even asking them.

Also, asking an old friend that you haven't spoken to in a while, or barely spoken to is also not a good option as well. I have experience both ends of the spectrum. I received quite of few females, who have followed me on my blog, or I have answered a question or two that they posted on yahooanswers ask me to write them a letter of recommendation. This is NOT a good thing. I will not write a letter of rec for anyone I do NOT know. Now do I have to meet you in person to know you? NO! There are some girls that I have established a relationship with over the net, and if they asked me to write them one, then I would possibly think about it.

Okay WHEN should you ask for letter? AFTER RUSH! Do NOT ask for a letter way before hand....Most chapters will say that they need for the person to DATE the letter, so trying to over-prepare and get a letter of rec before you even attend the rush is NOT a good idea. I will however suggest that you ask the person beforehand IF they will write you a letter of recommendation when the time comes. But asking them to write you one now, and you haven't even attended a rush, is not a good option.

What will the person include in the letter? Well that's really up to the person and the chapter. A Letter of recommendation for joining a sorority is the same as applying for college, or grad school. By that I mean, when you receive the letter of recommendation, in MOST cases they organization will ask that you provide the letter in a SEALED envelope with the person's signature written across the back of the letter. So I say that to say this, make sure you ask someone that you are not only comfortable with, but someone who will praise you throughout the letter.

I had a situation where a very close friend of mine asked me for a LOR....I haven't spoken to her in a long time other than a text for my birthday. I declined writing her a letter because we haven't truly spoken to each other in years, and I really didn't feel comfortable writing her one, since we have lost touch with one another and I couldn't really comment on her personality, and/character.

I hold my organization very near and dear to my heart, and it takes a VERY special person for me to write them a letter of recommendation. There was another case where a girl really wanted to be a delta ALL for the wrong reasons....It's like she planned her whole schooling simply around pledging the organization. Although I LOVED and admired the love she had for Delta, I felt that she wanted to be a delta all for the wrong reasons. She often talked about stepping, oo-ooping, strolling/strutting, wearing the letters, etc....Sure Delta does all of that, ,and I will oo-oop in a min, but that is NOT what Delta is all about. When she asked me for a letter of recommendation, I simply asked her why she wanted to be a delta. I did NOT like her answer and told her that I could not write her a LOR because she is joining for the wrong reasons. She became angry with me, and told me that she thought of all people she thought I would understand how BAD she wanted this because she recalled how I wanted to be one as well. In the long run, she ended up finding another soror to write her a letter of recommendation, and just as I thought, she was only active for 2 years. She complains about the dues being so high, yet she rocks the latest and hottest designers in a second. She says she doesn't have time to go to the meetings, and to our community service events, yet she is the first person there and the last person to leave at a step show, or a Greek party. Case in point? I was right on the $$ even though I truly wished I was wrong. She was what we call a T-Shirt wearer (I will go into detail about this on another blog)

So I say that to say this,,,,When asking a person to write you a LOR, do not take offense if they decline. It is THEIR choice if they want to write you a LOR or not. If they decline, then keeps it moving until you find someone who will write you a glowing letter. Besides wouldn't you prefer them to decline in writing you a letter of recommendation, oppose them writing you one, sealing it up only to find out that their letter was NOT what you expected? (For example, we had one girl who brought in her sealed LOR and the soror wrote in her letter to NOT accept her in the sisterhood...I was in pure shock when I read that, but she gave some valid reasons)

Case in point; be careful and mindful who you ask to write you a letter of recommendation.

Cia for now!


  1. First of all, I have to thank you for creating this blog and being so approachable and understanding of the stresses of pursuing membership.

    You mentioned in this post that you should wait until after rush to request letters of recommendation. I read your other post on LORs, and I'm a bit unclear as to whether this applies for community service LORs as well. Can I start stockpiling community service LORs now, or must those also be dated? I was always under the assumption that they needed to be dated. As such, I have a bunch of folks on standby for when the time comes, but if I can start collecting letters now, that would be GREAT!

    Thanks again and have a GREAT holiday!!!

  2. Hi there,

    I am referring to the letter of reccomendation from an active member of DST. As far community service LORs, I would suggest that you ask for a letter as soon as the service has been completed.

  3. Thanks so much! That definitely takes a load off my mind! Oh, one other question that just came to mind...should the letters reference the sorority or fraternity that the prospective member is interested in? Here's an example of what I'm talking about...

    "It is my pleasure to submit a letter of recommendation for Suchandsuch Jenkins for membership into XYZ Frasority."

    If no one is supposed to know what organization you're interested in, how specific can a letter be?

    Thanks again (feel free to stop me at any time if I become a burden!!!)!

  4. No the LORs for community service typically do not have to include membership info, but I will refer you to your chapter and follow their requirements because it could be different. This is why it's so important to attend Rush because my sorors will be able to answer all of your questions and/or concerns.

    The letter from an active delta however WILL include this info, and this is something you don't have to worry about since my sorors will know what's needed in the LOR.

  5. Thanks for the advice!!! Happy New Year!

  6. Hello,

    Happy New Years!

    I plan on meeting some members of your organization. Do you have any advice? I genuinely would like to get to know the ladies. Would it be ok to attend events at a local alumnae chapter, or will all events be strictly for the organization?

    Thank You.

  7. Happy New Year to you as well,,,,

    The only advice I can give you at this point is to attend my sorors' events and try to get to know them. If they have website, and they have an event section, then they will specify if it's a soror event. Events such as these are typically chapter meetings, Founders Day Celebrations, etc.

    Good luck!

  8. Dear Dablest_1:

    Happy New Years!

    Secondly, I would like to thank you for this blog. Currently I am transferring to a different institution and I am extremely excited about starting the process to rush. My only concern is that I do not know any members in Delta Sigma Theta. No one in my immediate family has ever rushed a sorority and all of my professors belong to Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority. So I don't really have anyone to write a Letter of Recommendation. Do you have any advice of what I should be doing to find a LOR?

    Thank you in advance for all your help.

  9. Dear Dablest_1

    I have a question regarding the community service LOR. I am currently a junior in college and would like to know if you would advise that I obtain LORs from events i've done during my high school career as well as the ones during my time in college

    Thank you in advance for your response

  10. i was wondering was it a problem if we was to have a LOR from a professor and they were of another greek fraternity/sorority would that be a problem?

  11. I was wondering how long should a letter of interest to your amazing sorority be?

    Thanks in advance for your help!

  12. Hi, I've noticed that you talk more on the lines of the undergradute process. Im located in the Midwest, and researching info for the grad chapter. Any advice???

  13. hi my name is kera i wanted to know how many references do you need for delta sigma theta

  14. Thank you for writing this. I wish to be a member for the Eta Delta Chapter here at my school. However, I don't think that there are many of you ladies in this area. Additionally, I feel like it is getting close to that time where the ladies here are going to have a Sp 14 rush but I cant seem to step out of my comfort zone and make the connections.

    This is one of the reasons why I want to become one. I want to be able to start and hold conversations and network with others. I also want to make more friends that I know that I can trust and hold on to. I want the strong and confident woman vibe and attitude and mentality.

    I would like get LORs from someone who has been where I have been: the journey to a better self-esteem, better body image, and love for oneself.

    How can I do that?
    Outside of going to the campus events what do I need to do.
    Belonging has always been a thing that I have wanted all my life. And now after going to college and seeing greek life I know that a sorority is where I need to be.

    Thank you in advance.

  15. Hello Ms. Love,

    Thank you so much for posting this. I do have a dilemma I would like to ask for your advice on. Well to start off so you understand my situation better, I grew up without any knowledge of BGLO's or any Greek organization for that matter. None, literally none, of my family members are apart of any of these organizations. I've never had any friends whose parents or family members were Greek until recently I found out that the mother of a close friend of mine is apart of Alpha Kappa Alpha, but that's really it. The closest thing that I have to anything Greek that is close to me is my grandfather bring a Freemason, and my cousin who did Delta Gems. So like I was saying I never knew anything of the greek community until I came to college. I am going into my junior year, and after having my experiences on campus and doing my own extensive research since freshman year, I realized out of all the female organizations apart of the NPHC, Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Incorporated is the only one that I keep getting strongly drawn to. Being apart of such a strong, beautiful sisterhood has been one of my biggest goals and one of my most burning desires for over 2 years now. I know when that time comes that I'm going to need a letter of recommendation, but the only Delta women that I know are on my campus. I don't no any from my hometown, and there's not many that show their faces around the city where my campus is located. I've done business with one who works on my campus from a different chapter, and we clicked, but we don't know each other that well. She's much older and I'm unsure if she's eligible to write one or not. I found out she was a Delta after our business endeavor. Should I continue to get to know her and ask later or should I look for someone else? It's just a bit difficult I've never had any Delta that is close enough to me to know well. Please help.

    Thank you and have a blessed day.

    1. I need your advise please if you don't mind I'm a male btw I was wondering can you email me or some other type of instant messaging

  16. Thank you for all this wonderful information! I need your advice about ways to go about obtaining a LOR from an active Delta member. My biggest concern is that I do not know what my options are at this point? I only know a few members on campus but not on the personal level that you described within your blog. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  17. In order to ask a Delta for a LOR you want to make sure they know you personally. The letter basically is telling her sorors why they need to pick you. If the Delta knows nothing about you, they can't speak or write for that matter to your character.

  18. Thanks for this post. Can you share something else. Just received a rejection letter from DST and it states the reason was insufficient letter of recommendation. I am confused because I included community service letter, DST letter and professor letter. Why was it insufficient?

  19. Thanks for your blog. I just received a facebook message from my old college roommate whom I haven't seen since college ask me if I could write a ZTA LOR for someone. I don't even know this person and I feel bad for saying no so not really sure how to say no. How can you refer someone you've never met?