Monday, November 17, 2014

Tips On How to Get Over Being Shy......

 
 
If I had a nickel for every email, comment, question that I have received surrounding this topic....... Look. I will be frank, I have been there. SHY! VERY SHY! I will never forget when my husband first approached me. He was trying to "holla" and I guess I was too shy, and naïve to even notice. (Well that and I just got out of a bad relationship and the LAST thing on my mind was trying to date). I have always been that shy person since I was little. In elementary school, I was never notice because I was too shy to be noticed. I just went to school, came home did my homework and went to bed. Most of my friends during my elementary school years were my friends at church, and All-City Youth Chorus in Chicago. For some reason, I have never been the type of person that just would go up to a random person and start chatting. I am more of an introvert. I was like that my ENTIRE elementary school year until I entered the talent show. I performed and won first place. Then everyone started to talk to me, as if they just met me for the first time.
 
High School was the same. I was shy, to myself, and allowed very few people in my circle. No one knew I existed then either until the end of freshman year when I entered the talent show. Once again I won FIRST PLACE which was quite an accomplishment considering that I went to a performing arts school in Chicago.  For some reason, my shyness goes away when I am on stage. I am like in a totally different world. I remember reading how both Michael Jackson and Beyoncé felt that way. And I understood exactly what they were saying....THAT.WAS.ME.
 
When I decided I wanted to become a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Inc. I knew I had to get over my shyness. I had to make a point to allow the member to get to know me. THE REAL ME. But that meant stepping out of my box, and allowing STRANGERS in. That was SO hard for me. I had trusts issues, and I realized I had to let that go. I had to walk up to people and speak, say hello, and spark conversations. I realized this would be my ONLY chance for them to get to know me.
 
So here are a few steps that can help you get over your shyness.
 
Keep your eyes on the prize. If you want to join any of these organizations, keep telling yourself that you have to overcome this fear to conquer your goal. This will not only help you with joining these organizations, but it will be a life lesson as well.
 
Take a deep breath.
 
Remember that once upon a time, they were in your shoes. Sometimes prospective members are blinded by those THREE beautiful letters written across the chess, arm, or back of a jacket of a member. They feel those letters are powerful. Only the best of the best gets to wear those letters. And while that may be true depending on who you ask, they were once in your shoes as well. I am sure they can all relate to how you feel about wanting to be a part of the org SO BAD you can taste it.
 
 
Listen to some inspiration music often. This can be helpful sometimes to give you confidence. My oldest brother use to listen to Chariots of Fire, or the Theme from Rocky. For me, my tune was "Survivor" by Destiny's Child, or any upbeat Gospel song.  This can help you in so many ways
 
Give GREAT eye contact to whomever you are speaking to. Give people the respect when you are talking to them. Don't look down on the floor, or up at the ceiling. It will show a sign up weakness, or disrespect, and you don't want to come off that way.
 
Speak with CONFIDENCE! Even though you are DYING inside, don't ever let them see your sweat. Trust me I have been there. I remember going to an event, and I felt SO intimidated because all the members were there, dressed to the nine. There were over 100 girls there, and I didn't want to get lost in the crowd. So when I spoke, I spoke up with confidence, sincerity, and I felt my words had substance.
 
WALK with confidence. You NEVER KNOW who is watching you, so you need to carry yourself like you have all the confidence in the world. Now there is a difference between confidence and arrogance. Members in these orgs, want to pass the torch down to potential leaders, people that will bring their chapter to new heights. Make them believe that YOU are that person.  


In closing the last thing you want to happen is for an opportunity to pass away because you were too shy. Then you will be sitting in your dorm room, or house/apt asking that DREADFUL QUESTION....WHAT IF?????? Don't be that "What If" person. If I was that person, I would not be where I am in life today. Happily married to the man of my dreams who I decided to give a chance after that bad relationship, enjoying life as a teacher, doctoral student, performer, and a wonderful family.

Ciao For Now!

V Love

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Switch?????? WHAT?????



So I even though I have addressed this in my blog already, I have noticed that I am still receiving questions surrounding this topic.

Dear V,

I was interested in joining Organization "A". I love "A" and everything they stand for. I had my heart set on pledging "A" until I went to school this fall. I found out A was not on campus. My heart was broken. I really wanted to spend my year getting to know the members of A. So I decided to see if there was an alumnae chapter in the area. To my surprise, there was an active chapter in the area. I attended all of their events, I was able to get to know the members of the chapter, and connect with them. It was at the point where they new my name if they saw me at the neighborhood grocery store, or mall. I felt good about my decision of getting to know them.

I was told that they would not be having intake no time soon since they are on a moratorium. My heart was broken. Why did this have to happen this year of all years? Although I continued to support the alumnae events, I knew that it would not happen for me this year. My roommate however was interesting in joining org B. She asked me to accompanied her to a few events, and I decided to support her. In doing so, my eyes have opened to another org. I liked this ladies, and they seemed very nice. Now I am confused. What should I do? Organization A, you have to be a sophomore to join, but Organization B, you only have to be a second semester freshman. Should I give Organization B a chance? Thanks!

Signed XXX


My ex boyfriend wanted to be an Alpha. He wanted to be one REALLY BAD! I will NEVER forget the time we both went over his cousin's crib,  (Who was ALSO an Alpha) and he gave him the Alpha History book for him to read and study to prepare him for pledging.  (I was MAD jealous, why couldn't anyone give me the Delta History Book???)  Then his BEST FRIEND pledge Omega and he was actually considering joining Omega Psi Phi. This was I believe the only argument that we had at this point. You want to join WHAT???? First off, as much as I love the bruhs. (A term that is used for Q's ONLY in the Midwest until I learned later that Men in fraternities in the South use this......) I was dumbfounded. I told him he only wanted to be a Q because his best friend just pledged Omega Psi Phi. I said he needed to STICK with his original choice. We got into a quarrel one evening  and during one of our double dates with my best friend and her boyfriend at the time, I asked her for her advice. She sided with me of course. She said, you couldn't pull no stunt like that at my school,. (She went to Howard)

I am not sure if he ever became a member of Omega Psi Phi or if he went back to his original plan and became a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity  Inc, or just decided to not pledge anything at all.  When I told my husband this story he laughed and say that the poor boy was probably confused. Naw, I doubt he was confused, because all we use to talk about was me becoming a Delta, and him becoming an Alpha. He went on to say that he hoped he doesn't pledge his frat, or ANY frat for that matter until he made up his mind. He stated that We don't need people joining the fraternity if they weren't sure.  He went on say that  I just wanted him to become an Alpha because I love me some Alpha Men. LOL!  He's probably RIGHT!

 Believe it or not, this happens QUITE OFTEN.  I have seen it happen to some of my friends, associates, etc. In reading this young lady's post, it appears that she is trying to find to organization to belong to. As I stated before, I have wanted to be a Delta since I was 14 years old. Never ONCE did I stray from that. Now, I am not saying that it's wrong to change your mind, it's not! My Aunt is a PROUD member of Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority Inc, and I have told you all that I have a family FULL of Zetas. One of my cousins pledged Zeta because it was the "thing to do " in my family. Right when it was time to cross, she dropped. She couldn't do it. She knew that AKA was in her heart, and if she singed her name on the dotted line, it would be the end of her journey. She would NEVER be considered for joining the sorority of her dreams. So the night she was suppose to cross, she dropped line. Nevertheless our family members were not happy about her decision. (This was in '84 or 85 I believe)

At any rate, 20 years later, she joined the sorority of her dreams. She had NO regrets, and was thankful that she decided to drop line. Look, I have said this so many times in my blog, membership in these organization is a LIFETIME! You do not want to end up pledging one fraternity/or sorority, while secretly wishing you joined the one you REALLY wanted to be a member of.

These days, I am have seen my share of "Switching" which is AMAZING TO ME! You pledge one sorority or fraternity in COLLEGE, and then years later, on the other end of of the globe, you pledge a DIFFERENT sorority or fraternity at the alumni/alumnae .....  I have asked myself TONS of questions on how this is possible? What happens when you go back to your school? Are you respected by your FIRST choice?  What about your line brothers/sisters? Do you just "throw away" those memories you had when you crossed with your LS/Lbs? Do you get rid of your pictures? What about the pictures that other people have of you? What if they decide to TAG you on Facebook? Or feature YOU as a Throwback Thursday on facebook/twitter, and they are you are.... throwing up your fraternities/sorority hand sign, How do they feel about that decision? And the questions goes on....and on...and on...... Sure you may THINK that they respect you,,,but trust me...they are talking about you like a DAWG behind your back. This is ESPECIALLY the case if the org you decided to pledge later one HAD an ACTIVE chapter when you were in school and didn't pledge that chapter for WHATEVER REASON. Although this is none of my business since it did not involved Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Inc. I can't help but wonder how this happened.

Case in point, MAKE SURE you know what you want to be before BROADCASTING it all over the place. You may THINK you want to join Org, A, but realize later down the line that Org B is for you. Now there is nothing wrong with changing, your mind, however depending on how open you were with your first choice,they can be some consequences. People will start testing out your motives. They may think you want to be Greek.....Just because......

Hope you're having a GREAT DAY!

V

Anxiously, Awaiting.....


So you are interested in joining a Black Greek Letter Organization and you want the members to know you. To like you. To know that you exist. There are certain ways you can accomplish this without being pushing, and annoying. I will never forget when I first joined Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Inc. I was a neo, fresh off the sands, and I remember feeling GOOD! The organization that seemed so far within my reach, I was NOW a proud member of. I had just returned from summer break, and looking forward to a brand new school year. I think I mentioned before that my school's tradition was we could NOT buy any Greek Paraphernalia until we had our Neophyte Show (Which was not until that FOLLOWING FEB). Thankfully I had some wonderful friends who purchased me some cute stuff until then.

At any rate, I was just elected to be the president of my chapter, and I was ready to get to work. Although I expected to be known on campus (I wasn't really before, but now that I was a brand new member, AND the president, EVERYONE knew who I was). What I wasn't expecting was the pushiness of some of the females on campus. Some was pushier than others, but I remember this ONE girl who stood out. She would write notes and stick them in our mailbox. She would call me all the time, be standing outside of my classes when class was over. It as a bit much. At first I just took it as she was VERY interested in joining and wanted to get to know me. But after a while, I became a bit concerned. This was especially scary when she asked me what I wanted as a Neophyte gift. I thanked her but told her it was not necessary to buy me anything. (I BARELY knew this chick, and I was NOT trying to get into trouble by accepting "gifts" from her. I mean, what if she tried out for membership and didn't get it? She could possible say that I PROMISED her a spot on the next line if she bought me gifts. No sir, I was not going to take that chance.

Case in point- Look,. I get it! You want to be a member of XYZ SOooooooo BAD! You envision yourself wearing  the letters, strolling/strutting at parties, performing community service, having brand new sisters/brothers, etc. I understand, I have been there. But there is a way to do things. You NEVER want to come off as "stalkerish" That's NOT a good look, and will NOT get you in. Let your work shine for itself. Allow the members to get to know you FROM your work, your leadership, your dedication, your grades, your community service, etc.

Funny thing is, I was watching the Judge Mathis show on yesterday while cleaning my house (since we had the day off for Veteran's Day, btw thank you Veterans for your service) and one particular episode caught my eye. There were these two ladies that was suing each other. They met when one of them wanted to pledge the other's sorority. Although the one that was "pledging" ended up dropping line, what stood out to me was the one that was already IN the sorority stated that the girl who was looking to join was trying to "buy her way into the sorority." This brought back SO many memories of when I was in college, hence why I decided to write this post.

There is nothing wrong with trying to get to know your "future sorors/frat" but there is a way to do it.


I hope this all makes sense!

Have a WONDERFUL week and I promise to blog more often....Also I just started a fashion blog as well. I LIVE for fashion, so if you are interested, please follow me there as well. I will post my outfits for the day (OOTD), cheap fines, Thrift store finds (I LOVE going thrifting, you find some gems when thrifting) etc.  My blog is Amore4fashion . I hope you join me over there! My hubby is going to join me in this adventure and take pictures of me wearing some of my finds.

Ciao For Now

V

Sunday, November 9, 2014

What do you mean I have to WORK???????




Joining any organization (Greek or Non-Greek) requires dedication, commitment, and HARD WORK! I say this because some people join due to the org being popular on campus, winning stepshows, gaining new friendships, and extra line on their resume, and many other reasons. I am a member of several organizations, and I managing them all takes a lot of hard work. Attending meetings, programs, being on several committees, and performing service for them takes a lot of time but I love it! There are so many people out there that join Greek Organizations for the WRONG REASONS. Before making a commitment to join ANY organization, stop and think about your reasons. Are you willing to dedicate your time to join a committee? Attend community service events early in the morning? Attend monthly meetings? Fight for a cause? Save money for dues?

As I stated in a previous post, membership in BLGOs takes a lot of time, commitment and MONEY!
It's mind blowing when prospective members are willing to save money to join these prestigious organizations, but will complain in a heartbeat when it's time to pay your annual membership dues. Now I understand that times are hard,  and of course you need to pay for your necessary needs (rent/mortgage, food, tuition, etc) HOWEVER I have seen many of my sorority sisters, make sacrifices to save money in order to pay for their membership dues.

This time of year is exciting for most people because Rush/Information flyer's are going up and prospective members are hoping to receive an invitation to join. So before you sign your name on the dotted line.....THINK.....What are your TRUE motives of becoming a member?

Monday, October 13, 2014

I'm BACK!!!!!





It's been  a long time since I last blogged about Black Greek Life. So many things have changed in my life. I have a new job, changed my focused on school, (I am working on a Doctorate in Education with emphasis on Leadership), and I just became active in TWO other organizations that I pledged in college: Sigma Alpha Iota, and Alpha Phi Omega. I am also the Corresponding Secretary for my Delta Chapter. Now that things have settled down a bit, I am able to blog a little more. (Oh, and also for those that know me personally, I am also a little bit of a fashionista, so I am starting a fashion blog  if you are interested in following me on that, leave me a comment below). I LOVE shoes, and I have shoes GALLORE, (more I stopped counting after 125.

So it's fall semester, and I for those who are interested in pledging, this is the PERFECT opportunity for you to get your face AND name out there. As I stated in the past, the best way to do this is attending ALL Greek events if possible, becoming involved in other organizations. (Student Government, Black Student Union, Gospel Choir, etc.) When people find out you are interested in joining an organization, they will sometimes scrutinize your every move. How do you act on campus? Are you one of those females who like to get "turnt up" at parties? Are you messy? How do you dance at Union Parties or parties off campus?  This will be taking into consideration when you are applying for membership. You want to treat applying for membership, as if you are applying for a job.

When I pledged Delta, over 14 years ago, we didn't have myspace, facebook, twitter, etc. I never had to worry about my postings, or tagged pictures coming back to hunt me. Case in point, you want to make sure you are cognoscente on what post on social media, or else it very well could come back to hunt you. This isn't just for pledging, but for your future as well. I personally have several social media accounts, and I would NEVER post my personal business out there for the world to see. I think it's best that you don't either.

For those of you that are going through membership intake right now, CONGRATS, and I can't wait to see you on the other side. For those of you that aspiring to become Greek in the near future, GOOD LUCK TO YOU! I hope to post more on this blog now that I my life has slowed down a bit. I am loving the fact that we are on fall break right now, so this week I will blogging a little more, while working on school work.

Cia for now Everyone!

V


Monday, May 5, 2014

What Does THAT mean????

Fridays at the school I teach at is considered "Casual Friday" for all teachers. On this particular day I decided to wear some Greek Paraphernalia. During my 3rd period class, three students were inquiring about the letters on my chest.

Student A: What does that mean Mrs. Love?

Me: I belong to a Greek Letter Organization

Student B: You're Greek? I thought you were Black

Student A: No dummy, she said an organization, my mom is one of those thingys

Me: Really?? Do you know which one?

Student A: The one that wears that ugly pink and yellow.

Me: You mean Pink and Greek??? (Laughing on the inside)

Student A: Yeah that's the one. Her and her sisters be screeching really loud!

Student C: Yeah my daddy is a DAWG, (starts hopping)

Student A: Well I'mma tell my moma I wanna be a member of YOUR organization Mrs. Love. I don't like my Mom's organization. They are so stuck up and snotty.

Me: Snotty? Don't you mean the word "snooty"

Student A: Yes, snooty.

Me: Well not ALL members are snooty Student A, so don't judge it just on that okay?

Student A: I don't care what you say, I wanna be one of ya'll. Ya'll cool and down to earth.

Me: Okay settle down class, let's get started on our concert, take out.............

Lesson For the Day : Children are always watching!


Monday, January 6, 2014

Letter of Recommendation: Who Should I ASK?????



So I know it's that time of year where a lot of prospective members are scrambling trying to get everything in order for them to pledge XYZ Sorority/Fraternity. As I stated before, each organization has their own process/procedure when applying for membership. Most orgs will ask you for a letter of recommendation from an active and financial member. Here are a few tips I can give you regarding this matter.

1. Ask someone you KNOW! This is SO important! They need to know who they are writing a letter to. Do you know them personally? More importantly do you know THEM personally? You want them to "brag" about you, and how can they brag if they don't' know you?

2. Are they active and more importantly FINANCIAL with the organizations? I am assuming if you asking them then  you have seen them participate in chapter events such as community service events, fundraising events, etc. Why is this important? Well several organizations require that its' prospective members get a letter of recommendation from a "dues paying" member. Are you trying to ask someone who haven't been active for a while? Chances are, if they have not be active with a chapter, they are not financial. This will deem your application of being invalid.

3. Always have an A, B, AND C plan as to someone writing your LOR. (Letter of Recommendation). I say this because you want to make sure you can get in touch with the person, prepare yourself for possibly getting  a "no", or the you may find out that the ONLY person you relied on is not financial. When I joined what feels like many moons ago, I had ONE person in mind. My ex-boyfriend's sister. I spoke to her on the phone a couple of times, and when the time came, she wasn't able to write me a letter of recommendation. Well let me clarify, by stating when the time came, I meant when I felt COMFORTABLE asking her, it wasn't like I needed it for an upcoming rush or anything like that. Then I met and grew close to another member at my job while we both were working as sales associates at Marshall Fields. It was funny because I ended up transferring to the school she pledged at. Two years later when I asked for an LOR, I found out she was inactive. DANG! So disappointed, but THANKFULLY I had a C plan. And this Soror was more than willing to write me a letter of recommendation. I found out many yrs. later that she NEVERS write a letter of recommendation for ANYONE, so the fact thats he wrote me one tells me that I made quite an impression on her.

As for me???? I have been asked 25 times to write a LOR, and how many have I written? 1….YUP JUST ONE! I am very picky on who I choose to write a letter to. I have to really know you to write you a letter, and I just don't be writing letters all willy nilly.

3. The moment  you find out you want to join XYZ organization, find out who you would like to write your letter of recommendation. This is important and will allow you figure out if they fit number 2 and if not, hopefully you can talk to them openly about any suggestions that they may have as to who could write you a letter.

4. GIVE the recommender plenty of time to write your letter. Asking at the last min might result in delays of the chapter receiving your letter, or the person saying they don't have time, or just a point-blank NO!

These are the top FOUR I would suggest you follow when asking for a LOR.

Wishing ALL the prospects for Spring 2014 all the best!