Tips On How to Get Over Being Shy......

If I had a nickel for every email, comment, question that I have received surrounding this topic....... Look. I will be frank; I have been there. SHY! VERY SHY! I will never forget when my husband first approached me. He was trying to "holla" and I guess I was too shy and naïve to even notice. (Well that and I just got out of a bad relationship, and the LAST thing on my mind was trying to date). I have always been that shy person since I was little. In elementary school, I was never noticed because I was too shy to be seen. I just went to school, came home did my homework and went to bed. Most of my friends during my elementary school years were my friends at church and All-City Youth Chorus in Chicago. For some reason, I have never been the type of person that just would go up to a random person and start chatting. I am more of an introvert. I was like that my ENTIRE elementary school year until I entered the talent show. I performed and won first place. Then everyone started to talk to me as if they just met me for the first time.

High School was the same. I was shy, to myself, and allowed very few people in my circle. No one knew I existed then either until the end of freshman year when I entered the talent show. Once again I won FIRST PLACE, which was quite an accomplishment considering that I went to a performing arts school in Chicago.  For some reason, my shyness goes away when I am on stage. I am like in an entirely different world. I remember reading how both Michael Jackson and Beyoncé felt that way. And I understood exactly what they were saying....THAT.WAS.ME.

When I decided, I wanted to become a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Inc. I knew I had to get over my shyness. I had to make a point to allow the member to get to know me. THE REAL ME. But that meant stepping out of my box, and allowing STRANGERS in. That was SO hard for me. I had trust issues, and I realized I had to let that go. I had to walk up to people and speak, say hello, and spark conversations. I realized this would be my ONLY chance for them to get to know me.

So here are a few steps that can help you get over your shyness.

Keep your eyes on the prize. If you want to join any of these organizations, keep telling yourself that you have to overcome this fear to conquer your goal. It will not only help you with joining these groups, but it will be a life lesson as well. Take a deep breath.

Remember that once upon a time, they were in your shoes. Sometimes prospective members are blinded by those THREE beautiful letters written across the chest, arm, or back of a jacket of a member. They feel those letters are powerful. Only the best of the best gets to wear those letters. And while that may be true depending on who you ask, they were once in your shoes as well. I am sure they can all relate to how you feel about wanting to be a part of the org SO BAD you can taste it.

Listen to some inspiration music often which can be helpful sometimes to give you confidence. My oldest brother uses to listen to Chariots of Fire, or the Theme from Rocky. For me, my tune was "Survivor" by Destiny's Child or any upbeat Gospel song. 

Give GREAT eye contact to whomever you are speaking to. Give people the respect when you are talking to them. Don't look down on the floor, or up at the ceiling. It will show a sign-up weakness or disrespect, and you don't want to come off that way.

Speak with CONFIDENCE! Even though you are DYING inside, don't ever let them see your sweat. Trust me I have been there. I remember going to an event, and I felt SO intimidated because all the members were there, dressed to the nine. There were over 100 girls there, and I didn't want to get lost in the crowd. So when I spoke, I spoke up with confidence, sincerity, and I felt my words had substance.

WALK with confidence. You NEVER KNOW who is watching you, so you need to carry yourself like you have all the trust in the world. Now there is a difference between confidence and arrogance. Members in these orgs, want to pass the torch down to potential leaders, people that will bring their chapter to new heights. Make them believe that YOU are that person.  

In closing, the last thing you want to happen is for an opportunity to pass away because you were too shy. Then you will be sitting in your dorm room, or house/apt asking that DREADFUL QUESTION....WHAT IF?????? Don't be that "What If" person. If I were that person, I would not be where I am in life today. Happily married to the man of my dreams who I decided to give a chance after that bad relationship, enjoying life as a teacher, doctoral student, performer, and a beautiful family.

Ciao For Now!

V Love

Switch?????? WHAT?????

So I even though I have addressed this in my blog already, I have noticed that I am still receiving questions surrounding this topic.

Dear V,

I was interested in joining Organization "A." I love "A" and everything they stand for. I had my heart set on pledging "A" until I went to school this fall. I found out A was not on campus. My heart was broken. I wanted to spend my year getting to know the members of A., So I decided to see if there was an alumnae chapter in the area. To my surprise, there was an active chapter in the area. I attended all of their events; I was able to get to know the members of the chapter and connect with them. It was at the point where they knew my name if they saw me at the neighborhood grocery store or mall. I felt good about my decision of getting to know them.

I was told that they would not be having intake no time soon since they are on a moratorium. My heart was broken. Why did this have to happen this year of all years? Although I continued to support the alumnae events, I knew that it would not happen for me this year. My roommate, however, was interested in joining org B. She asked me to accompanied her to a few events, and I decided to support her. In doing so, my eyes have opened to another org. I liked these ladies, and they seemed very nice. Now I am confused. What should I do? Organization A, you have to be a sophomore to join, but Organization B, you only have to be a second-semester freshman. Should I give Organization B a chance? Thanks!

Signed XXX


My ex-boyfriend wanted to be an Alpha. He wanted to be one BAD! I will NEVER forget the time we both went over his cousin's crib,  (Who was ALSO an Alpha) and he gave him the Alpha History book for him to read and study to prepare him for pledging.  (I was MAD jealous, why couldn't anyone give me the Delta History Book???)  Then his BEST FRIEND pledge Omega and he were considering joining Omega Psi Phi. This was I believe the only argument that we had at this point. You want to join WHAT???? First off, as much as I love the bruhs. (A term that is used for Q's ONLY in the Midwest until I learned later that Men in fraternities in the South use this......) I was dumbfounded. I told him he only wanted to be a Q because his best friend just pledged Omega Psi Phi. I said he needed to STICK with his original choice. We got into a quarrel one evening, and during one of our double dates with my best friend and her boyfriend at the time, I asked her for her advice. She sided with me of course. She said you couldn't pull any stunt like that at my school, (She went to Howard)

I am not sure if he ever became a member of Omega Psi Phi or if he went back to his original plan and became a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity  Inc, or just decided not to pledge anything at all.  When I told my husband this story, he laughed and said that the poor boy was probably confused. Naw, I doubt he was confused, because all we use to talk about was me becoming a Delta, and him becoming an Alpha. He went on to say that he hoped he doesn't pledge his frat, or ANY frat for that matter until he made up his mind. He stated that We don't need people joining the fraternity if they weren't sure.  He went on to say that  I just wanted him to become an Alpha because I love me some Alpha Men. LOL!  He's probably RIGHT!

 Believe it or not, this happens QUITE OFTEN.  I have seen it happen to some of my friends, associates, etc. In reading this young lady's post, it appears that she is trying to find an organization to belong to. As I stated before, I have wanted to be a Delta since I was 14 years old. Never ONCE did I stray from that. Now, I am not saying that it's wrong to change your mind; it's not! My Aunt is a PROUD member of Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority Inc, and I have told you all that I have a family FULL of Zetas. One of my cousins pledged Zeta because it was the "thing to do " in my family. Right when it was time to cross, she dropped. She couldn't do it. She knew that AKA was in her heart, and if she signed her name on the dotted line, it would be the end of her journey. She would NEVER be considered for joining the sorority of her dreams. So the night she was supposed to cross, she dropped a line. Nevertheless, our family members were not happy with her decision. (This was in '84 or 85 I believe)

At any rate, 20 years later, she joined the sorority of her dreams. She had NO regrets and was thankful that she decided to drop a line. Look, I have said this so many times in my blog, membership in this organization is a LIFETIME! You do not want to end up pledging one fraternity/or sorority while secretly wishing you joined the one you wanted to be a member of.

These days, I am have seen my share of "Switching" that is AMAZING TO ME! You pledge one sorority or fraternity in COLLEGE, and then years later, on the other end of the globe, you pledge a DIFFERENT sorority or fraternity at the alumni/alumnae .....  I have asked myself TONS of questions on how this is possible? What happens when you go back to your school? Does your FIRST choice respect you?  What about your line brothers/sisters? Do you "throw away" those memories you had when you crossed with your LS/Lbs? Do you get rid of your pictures? What about the images that other people have of you? What if they decide to TAG you on Facebook? Or feature YOU as a Throwback Thursday on Facebook/Twitter, and they are you are.... throwing up your fraternities/sorority hand sign, How do they feel about that decision? And the questions go on....and on...and on...... Sure you may THINK that they respect you,, but trust me...they are talking about you like a DAWG behind your back. This is ESPECIALLY the case if the org you decided to pledge later one HAD an ACTIVE chapter when you were in school and didn't pledge that chapter for WHATEVER REASON. Although this is none of my business since it did not involve Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Inc, I can't help but wonder how this happened.

Case in point, MAKE SURE you know what you want to be before BROADCASTING it all over the place. You may THINK you want to join Org, A, but realize later down the line that Org B is for you. Now there is nothing wrong with changing, your mind, however, depending on how open you were with your first choice, they can be some consequences. People will start testing out your motives. They may think you want to be Greek.....Just because......

Hope you're having a GREAT DAY!

V

Anxiously, Awaiting.....

So you are interested in joining a Black Greek Letter Organization, and you want the members to know you.  You want them to know that you exist. There are certain ways you can accomplish this without being pushed, and annoying. I will never forget when I first joined Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Inc. I was a neophyte, fresh off the sands, and I remember feeling GOOD! The organization that seemed so far within my reach, and NOW I am a proud member. I had just returned from summer break, and looking forward to a brand new school year. I think I mentioned before that my school's tradition was we could NOT buy any Greek Paraphernalia until we had our Neophyte Show (Which was not until that FOLLOWING FEB). Thankfully I had some beautiful friends who purchased me some cute stuff until then.

At any rate, I was just elected to be the president of my chapter, and I was ready to get to work. Although I expected to be known on campus (I wasn't before, but now that I was a brand new member AND the president, EVERYONE knew who I was). What I wasn't expecting was the pushiness of some of the females on campus. Some were pushier than others, but I remember this ONE girl who stood out. She would write notes and stick them in our mailbox. She would call me all the time, be standing outside of my classes when the class was over — it as a bit much. At first, I just took it as she was VERY interested in joining and wanted to get to know me. But after a while, I became a bit concerned. It was especially scary when she asked me what I wanted as a Neophyte gift. I thanked her but told her it was not necessary to buy me anything. (I BARELY knew this chick, and I was NOT trying to get into trouble by accepting "gifts" from her. I mean, what if she tried out for membership and didn't get it? She could say that I PROMISED her a spot on the next line if she bought me gifts. No sir, I was not going to take that chance.

Case in point- Look, I get it! You want to be a member of XYZ so BAD! You envision yourself wearing the letters, strolling/strutting at parties, performing community service, having brand new sisters/brothers, etc. I understand I have been there. But there is a way to do things. You NEVER want to come off as "stalkerish" That's NOT a good look, and will NOT get you in. Let your work shine for itself. Allow the members to get to know you FROM your work, your leadership, your dedication, your grades, your community service, etc.

The Funny thing is, I was watching the Judge Mathis show on yesterday while cleaning my house (since we had the day off for Veteran's Day, btw thank you Veterans for your service) and one particular episode caught my eye. There were these two ladies that were suing each other. They met when one of them wanted to pledge the other's sorority. Although the one that was "pledging" ended up dropping the line, what stood out to me was the one that was already IN the sorority stated that the girl who was looking to join was trying to "buy her way into the sorority." It brought back SO many memories of when I was in college, hence why I decided to write this post.

There is nothing wrong with trying to get to know your "future sorors/frat," but there is a way to do it.


I hope this all makes sense!

Have a WONDERFUL week, and I promise to blog more often.

Ciao For Now

V

What do you mean I have to WORK???????

Joining any organization (Greek or Non-Greek) requires dedication, commitment, and HARD WORK! I say this because some people join due to the org being popular on campus, winning step shows, gaining new friendships, and an extra line on their resume, and many other reasons. I am a member of several organizations, and I managing them all takes a lot of hard work. Attending meetings, programs, being on several committees, and performing service for them takes a lot of time, but I love it! There are so many people out there that join Greek Organizations for the WRONG REASONS. Before committing to join ANY organization, stop and think about your reasons. Are you willing to dedicate your time to join a committee? Attend community service events early in the morning? Attend monthly meetings? Fight for a cause? Save money for dues?

As I stated in a previous post, membership in BLGOs takes a lot of time, commitment, and MONEY!
It's mind-blowing when prospective members are willing to save money to join these prestigious organizations but will complain in a heartbeat when it's time to pay your annual membership dues. Now I understand that times are hard,  and, of course, you need to pay for your necessary needs (rent/mortgage, food, tuition, etc.) However, I have seen many of my sorority sisters, make sacrifices to save money to pay for their membership dues.

This time of year is exciting for most people because Rush/Information flyers are going up and prospective members are hoping to receive an invitation to join. So before you sign your name on the dotted line.....THINK.....What are your real motives of becoming a member?